Why Your Style Feels So Disconnected (And How to Find Your Way Back)
What happens when you stop asking 'what should I wear?' and start asking 'who am I?'
A photo of Kate Middleton in a blue skirt set, a woman with tousled hair and perfectly faded Levi's with no shoes, the movie still image of Mrs. Hannigan in a bathtub clutching her wine glass while donning a slip dress and layered necklaces from the live action 80s version of Annie, a photo of beams of sunlight filtering down through a heavily wooded sky, a high ceilinged but cozy living room draped in blankets, dramatic waves crashing on a beach.
"Composure, but not the perfectly polished kind, the quiet kind, but with a pinch of something a bit wild and unexpected that gives it a layer of confidence. Serene, practiced, open to magic but rooted in comfort. The feeling of wanting freedom and coziness at the same time…"
"Oh my god, that's ME!”
There's nothing more rewarding to me than seeing a bunch of wildly different images and focusing on what connects them, and how they might paint a picture of a person's personality. I have seen hundreds of pinterest boards over the years (a lot of them have a photo of Kate Middleton, but right in the beginning where you know that pinterest just served it up on a platter), but as I scroll I start to see the themes emerge—the colors, the feelings, the invisible string that connects what delights you visually to all the traits you house within your being, and presents how you'd like to be seen and understood to me (as if on a platter).
The Style Disconnect We All Face
Most of us head to the mall when we think we have a wardrobe problem. Shopping is supposed to be the action you take when you need something new, duh. But most of us end up settling on whatever works at the last minute when we're feeling done with the excursion and want to get a warm cookie or matcha at the food court instead. We rarely end up with a variety of styles that reflect who we are; in fact, we're lucky if we find something that fits. After a lifetime of shopping like this, we learn not to expect much.
And then, of course, our style feels disconnected from our authentic selves! We struggle to find a way back to it and honor the contradictory parts of our personality through what we wear, but it's overwhelming. Trends, rules, and the things we see people wearing on Instagram creep into our brains, making us think we're "supposed to dress like that," or we just let our stylish friend or little sister pick out our clothes for us. It's hard to hear an authentic style voice when it's never been asked to say anything before. What would happen if we could listen to our voice more clearly?
What 15 Years of Styling Has Taught Me
Great personal style comes from self-awareness & a desire to show up a little vulnerably in the service of self-expression, not from fashion magazines or Instagram trends. For my clients, it's usually a mash-up of personal references and proclivities. It influences that tend to collect throughout a lifetime. Usually, we fall off developing our style after our first "real" job or having a baby (or whatever took you outside the vast expanses of your creativity and forced you to think of other stuff).
But your style still exists, if dormant, and I have an uncanny knack for identifying it and giving it words. The visual attractions you have but probably haven't ever considered reveal more profound truths about how you see yourself, and I've learned to trust that intuitive process. There's this unexplainable "reading" that happens when I look at your style board with you, like your pinboard becomes my crystal ball. I am just the channel that brings what's already there into the light. But it's not just "oh you like The Pixies and hiking on the coast" but rather it's understanding how the theme songs to your life might bolster & balance the deep dark woods vibe you're also attracted to, and knowing how both of these aspects to your personality might be something you can use to inspire your outfit creation.
How Style Readings Actually Work
We craft style personality words that capture your essence, such as "androgynous disco," "Miami meets Montana," or "flirty apocalypse." Having a container for your style changes everything about how you make wardrobe decisions. We can explore how your brain dominance and even astrology influence your style choices (I've even gotten pretty good at guessing whether you're type A, plus your sun and rising signs, based on your pinboard!).
The whole focus is on identifying and paving the way to show up as your whole, nuanced self rather than trying to fit into someone else's style box. Anyone could tell you what to wear and make you look great according to them, but you feeling connected to what you're wearing because you know the reason why you're wearing it is a whole other power move, with effects that persist long after one season.
What You Walk Away With
Aside from the confidence to double down on what you already know about yourself, and relief that someone actually might "get" you and what you'd like to dress like, you will also receive some solid takeaways with your Style Reading:
90 minutes of style discovery, reflection, and abolishment of long-held beliefs that could be holding you back from fully expressing your style
Focused & customized attention on whatever stresses you out the most about style development, perhaps it's knowing which shapes could work for your current figure, or ideas for fabrics that could travel well, or a strategy for building a capsule wardrobe based on your specific style
Sustainable shopping ideas based on your particular style personality—I will show you shops/brands/styles live on the call that you can begin to shop for right away
You receive a personalized one-sheet summary with your style keywords and a recording of our session so you can revisit those breakthrough moments. I'll provide a concrete strategy for dressing your unique body and goals, along with a balanced outfit framework you can use forever. You also get curated sustainable shops that match your newly defined style, so you're not shopping unquestioningly anymore.
Why This Has Become My Favorite Work
It feels incredible to help my clients articulate their style in a way that resonates and sets them free of the self-doubt that usually comes with trying new things. This process gives you a real edge in how you express yourself and allows you to show up vulnerably as all parts of yourself. Learning to articulate your style makes connecting with like-minded people more effortless, allowing you to navigate small talk and dive into deeper conversations more swiftly. We find your style "through line" that connects across all areas of your life, from work meetings to weekend adventures, so you never have to feel like you're in a uniform for any context of life. We discover the authentic you that's been waiting to emerge and set it free through your style choices.
An Invitation to Discover Your Style Story
If getting to the root of your style and how it can be expressed sounds intriguing to you, and the idea of working with a stylist who isn't going to tell you what to wear but rather help you see how naturally your style choices can come once you get clear on articulating your style, I would love to work together. If you're worried you like too many things, that what you want doesn't exist, or if you feel like you've never even had a "style," let's talk.
The Virtual Style Reading service is $575 and is designed to set you free, but with a plan that helps you start dressing from a place of deep self-knowledge.
Let's Start the Conversation
So if you've been bogged down in the weeds of your incomprehensible wardrobe, or the mire of an abundance of choices, or just in a rut when it comes to your style, I would love to challenge you to start by concentrating on what three or four words might begin to describe what you want to be noticed for. If words elude you, try finding 3-4 images that resonate. We're all complex beings, and we all have a style worth exploring. Share your words/pictures in the comments, or send me a message directly!