Is It My Clothes—or Something Deeper? When a Stylist Can (and can't) Help
A common response from my clients after our first meeting is that they didn’t realize how tender or therapeutic hiring a stylist would be. Some have even shared that they experienced some anxiety
Hello Misfits!
I’m excited to share that this month, I’ll be hosting the Misfits Zoom Meet-Up exclusively for paid subscribers!
This is your space to connect, share your thoughts, and dive into all things Midlife style—mishaps, triumphs, and that ever-elusive question that I’m discussing below: Is it my clothes, or is it something deeper?
So mark your calendars to pour yourself a cup of tea, grab those problematic pants (you know the ones), and join us for a lively and supportive discussion. I can’t wait to see you there!
Sometimes, how our clothes fit (or don't fit) reflects more than just our style—it feels personal. And while a stylist can help you find clothes that feel like you, we can't solve everything.
Before I became a personal stylist, I was a palliative care/hospice social worker. I learned how to assess where people are, help people feel seen & heard, and create an atmosphere of non-judgment and ease for patients & families. I love to listen to it all, really. I've carried over much of what I learned into my new career as a personal stylist. While not a whole lot can shock me, there are specific issues illuminated by the styling process that new clothes can't always fix.
Most of my clients come to me during a time of transition in their lives and fall into a combination of the following categories:
Logistical: Are your style issues logistical in that you like a lot of styles but struggle to find the time and energy to plan and execute your shopping list? Or perhaps you haven't been able to prioritize your style for various reasons—financial constraints, lifestyle changes (you had a baby or you moved to another climate)—and those barriers are gone, allowing you to focus on your style.
Inspirational: You feel like you've never had a personal style and are interested in exploring what that could look like but have no idea how to start. Or, you have always had fun with style but want new ideas for how to modernize/polish/or otherwise upgrade your wardrobe to align with your current life.
Physical/Emotional: Your body has changed, and you don't know how to dress it in a way you feel good about, leaving you with only a handful of pieces you can wear.
A good personal stylist can quickly help with logistics and inspiration and help you visualize the shapes and styles that could work with your particular frame and lifestyle. We can help you by asking questions that clarify your style goals and how you want to be seen and by translating your ideas, quirks, and habits into wearable items. We can take you from "I need new clothes" to "Here's what I want my wardrobe to look and feel like" to "Here are 30 ways to wear your new pieces."
Unfortunately, a good personal stylist isn’t qualified to assess or address your physical and emotional states. We can point out common cultural conditioning that each of us grew up in, where we were taught to conform to fit in, that there are "right" bodies and "wrong" ones, that spending money on ourselves is frivolous, and that concern for style is superficial.
But feeling physically and emotionally good in your body requires internal work—self-compassion, acceptance, and sometimes professional help. A stylist can help you only to the point of your own acceptance of whatever barriers you have around showing up as yourself. While new clothes can help you feel grounded in your identity while evolving, you must first be okay with who you are.
This is where my background comes in handy; it allows me to engage more deeply with my clients and help them express what's inside outward. Still, my support will only help if showing up as yourself feels more empowering than it does terrifying.
A common response from my clients after our first meeting is that they didn’t realize how tender or therapeutic hiring a stylist would be. Some have even shared that they experienced some anxiety in the process. They felt vulnerable sharing with a stranger some of their secret desires about how they wanted to be seen and perceived by the outside world. I think they were hoping I could wave a magic wand and solve all of that in a new wardrobe.
A good stylist can support and guide you as you align with your identity and image of self. Once you feel confident and have gained self-awareness around what you like/don't like, a stylist can help you name and illuminate your sense of style.
However, you have to be ready to be seen by others with the body you have and be okay with it. Being seen for who you are seems like a beautiful and prominent concept, but many have real fears about it. This is what being a misfit is all about and why I’m so passionate about my work. As you start to peel back those fears, you will find that what you think makes you different is the very thing that creates an iconic style all to yourself.
Before you begin working with a stylist, it's essential to clarify your goals so you can find the right stylist and gauge the success of your collaboration. Some thoughts to consider
Are you hoping to use clothes to enhance the life & body you already have, or are you hoping new clothes will get you where you want to go?
What do you hope to solve when you think of improving your personal style?
Are your struggles to find the right garments purely style-related, or is something else happening under the surface?
RELATED READS
